GlitteryButterflies

LJ

2006-04-26T19:38:00.000+08:00

For those of ya who come to this blog..i've decided to go back to using livejournal coz I finally figured out how to have a "skin" for it and I really always much preferred livejournal.

you can find me at http://princesspink12.livejournal.com/.

Year of the Doggy

2006-01-29T11:47:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year everyone...

I'm tired..

2006-01-26T00:54:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling super down right now...

It's been a rough two weeks at work..been staying or having to continue doing work at home till past 10pm at least everyday...I thought after last week's past midnight days I'd get an easier time this week esp. coz after chinese new year I suspect it's gonna be past midnight days again.

I'm tired...

And my morale is jus really low right now..got scolded for something that was totally not my fault today. And I feel so upset because I don't feel I made the wrong call or that I didn't do my part. I was so upset that after I put down the phone I just couldn't concentrate on my work. And even now I can't shake it off and it's affecting me and making me feel even worse as I'm struggling through this piece of work. I feel useless...

Starting to hate the firm that I'm in. Or maybe I'm just remembering how much I dislike the people in the society and how fucked up they make me feel. Afraid to speak my mind coz I know how vicious people in the society can be and how misunderstood I can get. Unable to be proud of myself and what I do because I'm constantly reminded of how dumb I am in comparison to everyone else. Plus people in the society seem to think we're less than them because of the kind of work we do.

I think if i stay in this profession, I'll always just be a nobody.

I wan to go hooooomee...

2006-01-20T01:37:00.000+08:00

1:35am.......still in the office...

was in the office from 7am till 4am yesterday...

haven't seen Baby in 2 days..

anyone gives me the "corporate is damn slack" schpeell again I will smack them...

I need to get a life...

2006-01-15T01:24:00.000+08:00

Here is the ultimate weekend dilemma I discovered since I started work...

Do i pack my weekend meeting people, going out, partying to make the most of it since I don't get much chance to do any of the above during the week OR do i take it easy and rest coz I am usually feeling ultra tired at the end of the week?

I think I need to find something else besides work to fill my time. Like..a hobby..or some other activity to get involved in. All i have now that makes me happy is shopping. And since funds are seriously low now...shopping is out of the question.

I kept thinking the whole day...what am I going to do this weekend?? Where am I going to go?? What am I going to do so that I don't feel like I wasted my weekend??

Town - no money.

Movie - nothing exciting to watch (except Memoirs of a Geisha...but I HATE zhang ziyi so I'm undecided if I really can bear watching it).

Meet friends - I have to honestly say the number of friends I can now meet during the weekends is now at an all time low (i know i'm fairly pathetic in this department..but i will resist being dragged down the depression road with regards to this topic again).

Club/Drink - No one to go clubbing/drinking with plus my stomach is still woozy from the recent bout of stomach flu.

I need to get a life....Jem said yesterday "it's very sad when work is the highlight of your day". At first I disagreed with him..work isn't the highlight of my life. It's not my reason to be. The highlight of my day is seeing Baby...but I realise that work does consume my life. It causes me to lose the energy to still be able to pursue other activities outside of it. So as I have less and less outside of work...I give more and more of my time to work because..heck..i have nothing else to do right? And then..vicious cycle..

I need to find a way to beat this cycle...Maybe I should take up a sport...hurhurhur...sigh..these desperate attempts to find something to validate my life...

I realise that I don't know ANYTHING that is going on in the theatre world anymore..i don't even know what shows are going on or coming up..what happened to that side of my life? It used to BE my life...and as badly paid as I was and as many hours I worked..I think I was happier then. I felt more free..

At least I didn't feel like I needed to take up a sport.....

2006-01-06T00:39:00.000+08:00

After just two short years..i have just taken my navel piercing out..coz my skin is "rejecting" the piercing and slowly getting thinner. SOB..but i will not be deterred!!! Give it one year to close up and heal and i will PIERCE again!!

Slack New Year

2006-01-02T18:43:00.000+08:00

Had a super slack long weekend which was exactly what I wanted. Everytime Baby asked me what plans I/we had or what I wanted to do, I would say absolutely NOTHING!! Shiok man...

Tmw it's back to work..but it's ok..I have resigned myself to the fact that my carefree days are over and I know that if I keep telling myself how xian it is to go back to work..how I dislike it..it'll just make myself feel worse. Anyway, I feel rested..so I feel good.

COME ON WORK!!! GIVE ME YOUR WORSE SHOT!! (ok i'm kidding..don't give me your worse shot..I am but a worm to the endless possibilities of work...)

I'm trying out this new thing where I try to do things, manage my time, manage my thoughts so that the chances of me getting depressed are less and trying to learn to let things go. During my first month of pupillage I was seriously suicidal..New year's resolution..not to feel suicidal more than twice a year. And not to fall seriously ill more than 5 times.

Happy New Year to my dearest friends...A Jie, Shinz, WM, Derek, my fellow supermarket aunties (don't ask)... I love you all mucho mucho and thank you so much for being my support in my life. I hope 2006 brings you guys lots of love (except Shinz..u can only have your ONE love), and I hope we find more time to spend together...

And most importantly HAPPY NEW YEAR to my Bestest Friend...the sweetheart who called me all the way from Chicago to wish me happy new year. I'm excited..2006 is the year He returns!! Then no more having to fight through lag times, bad reception and time differences to wish each other happy birthday/new year/merry christmas and to bitch!!

2006-01-02T18:37:00.000+08:00

Packing up myroom over the weekend and found this picture of me and Bestest Friend. This was back in cannot remember what year when we did Bibik Behind Bars! Look how skinny and how golden his hair was!!! And how chubby i was!! If you look really closely..this was even before Bestest Friend pierced his ear..his "virgin" ears days!!

Do we really not have choices?

2005-10-20T22:05:00.000+08:00

Alot of times people are frustrated at points in their life because of they felt they had no choice but to be in that situation.

But the thing is..most of the time, it's not that they don't have a choice..they just don't want to make a tough decision and remove themselves from that situation.

So people start griping about how unfair life is, how shitty their lives are, how it's many other people's fault that they are in that position.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not being a self righteous preachy bitch. I'm not above it either. I'm about to enter a profession that I honestly very little passion for, that I am dreading because of the kind of environment I think i'm going to be plunged into, the uncertainty of whether I will ever get to get out of it. When people ask me why I am going to do law...most of the time I just shrug and say..no choice. But it's not that I don't have a choice. It's just that taking that step to walk away from this profession is going to take alot of courage and willingness to possibly be very poor for an indeterminate period of time. And I'm afraid, I don't have that courage.

Maybe next time people ask me why I am going to do law..i should give the honest answer. And that is..too many debts, too many expectations and no balls.

Today I called home to have my mum tell me she hadn't eaten dinner yet, that she had waited at home the whole day, no car, my dad had gone off without a word, that she had waited coz she was on "standby" for him, she doesn't know what the hell she's waiting for etc etc etc. Then I go off trying to buy dinner back for her, to have her tell me on the phone, she doesn't want to eat. Then i still buy food for her coz I don't want to her later be hungry n have nothing to eat, to come back to her roll her eyes at me when I tell her i bought her food.

You don't have to say thank you. You don't have to show gratitude or appreciation. Just don't vent it on me.

I just don't understand. My parents have been married almost 30 years. Not 30 happy blissful years..but 30 years. At the very least you can say one thing for sure. You KNOW what your spouse it like.

So my mum knows my father is a selfish, inconsiderate, chauvinistic son of a bitch. But after 30 years she still chooses to be at his beck and call, take his shit, be on "stand by" for him, give up her life, her ambitions because of him. And when you ask her why..she says "No choice". No choice because my dad's "like that" and could possibly make life worse for you if you try to go against him. He might stop giving the household allowance.

So in the end, on a night like this, I end up taking the brunt of her unhappiness and frustration because I bothered to call, cared enough to drive around finding something she'd want to eat.

I like to tell it like it is. So I wonder with my mum..what is it. Is it love? Is it her generation's mentality of having to be a dutiful wife? Or is it the lack of courage to MAKE a choice and say fuck this I don't deserve to be treated this way? And why when this is a path she chose to take, it is everyone else's fault (life, my dad, apparently me as well) but hers.

I know I'm alot like my mum and sometimes it scares me so much. I don't want to end up miserable with my life, bitter with everyone and everything when almost everything is simply a result of the choices I have made or chose not to make.

Can I see this, know this, realise this and then make my life different?

Missing lancing...

2005-10-19T15:34:00.000+08:00

A bored moment in the office today led me to start showing MTVs and my old dance videos to Jas. As he went back to work, I continued watching a few more clips.

Kinda made me realise how much I miss dancing. I was never very very good at it or super focussed going for classes to be the best...but I really enjoyed it and it was such a big part of my NUS life. Strange considering theatre and acting were my two biggest passions...

I spent my last year in NUS choreographing more than I was dancing. It was fun too..but watching dance videos now made me wish I could have danced more and learnt more from others. Would have improved my choreographing too which looking back at my videos made me realise was crrraaaappp...

Ahh well..that's what happens as you move on with life i suppose. You leave the fun things and things u enjoy u behind. You can't stay in one spot in life forever..and you move towards a very uncertain but most unappealing future...

Missing 2 impt boys in my life..

2005-10-19T01:19:00.000+08:00

America is a evil place...

It holds now in her land my man and my bestest friend..

Both of whom i miss dearly right now...

Sigh...

Stay safe my darlins...and come back soon!!!

Two weeks is too long...

2005-10-15T02:53:00.000+08:00

I'm so sad...

Not sure who I am anymore..

2005-10-10T21:46:00.000+08:00

You go through cross roads in your life when you have to stop and just reflect.

Look at the people around you, think about what you've done, about where you're heading..

It's times like this that you be grateful for those who are still walking beside you.

I've led a life of people leaving me behind or writing me off. I have to be honest and say it's made me trust less. Maybe that's why I have alot of acquaintances but very few I call my true friends.

I think about one day if I die, I'll probably only have those few at my funeral and only they would truly be devastated that I'm gone. They're probably the only reason I can still be bothered with this bothersome thing called life.

Things happen which makes you doubt yourself. Doubt everything you believe in. You fall into pits of depair wondering what is wrong with you, that you must be fucked up if this is all happening. Sometimes I get so mad that after so many years of fighting the teenage insecurities, trying to find myself, holding myself upright through all the shit that has been thrown at me, I can still dislike myself so much.

I've tried being a different person, tried to be someone else. But at the end of the day, I realised..I can only be me. But most of the time I'm not sure who I am anymore. I can only see my flaws and try to control myself for the things that I know are bad about me. The things that I know I don't want to be.

Maybe it's good that shit happens. Keeps my grounded (or continually stuck in shit so can't go anywhere). Makes me stop and look at myself and stop myself from going down a road I shouldn't. Also makes me appreciate the people who love me for me.

Baby's going to Texas for 2 weeks soon...gonna be lonely and depressed again. Maybe tt's why thoughts are running abit wild..forseeing depression again until he gets back..

Marriage in a nutshell

2005-09-19T16:36:00.000+08:00

Whilst reading my family law notes (and family law mainly deals with divorce, family violence, custody etc)...came across this slide that had this quote:

I wanted one life
You wanted another
We couldn't have our cake
So we ate each other.

Roger McGough

For some reason..the quote just cracks me up. Such a nice way to put how shitty marriage can be. Awesome...

Ministry of Sound!!

2005-09-16T14:22:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone,

Ministry of Sound is opening at Clarke Quay at the end of this year.

Check out their website man, www.ministryofsound.com.sg .

Awesome Weekend

2005-09-05T12:16:00.000+08:00

Had a really really good weekend..feeling most satisfied with time well spent.

Friday: Had Edu Dine, that was a waste of time but I got to wear the super pretty new dress Baby bought me from Mango!!After that went to meet Baby and The Guys for drinks at this place behind Dubliners. The broccoli with garlic there is fantastic man..

Sat: Had a lazy Sat afternoon with Baby..he went for a work dinner and I came home to laze somemore..but after that met up with A Jie, Mr Ho, Shinz, Bestest Friend, WM, Joii and Baby for drinks at Que Pasa. We were having so much fun that we didn't even realise it was getting so late till A Jie mentioned it was 2:20! I miss hanging out with the gang man..everyone's so busy these days. But good to know that when we do manage to get together again, we can still talk alot of nonsense.

Sun: Yan invited me to the prelaunch party of her new club The Butter Factory on board the Harbour Queen. Asked Baby and Bestest Friend along. It was kinda cool..never been on a boat party before. Haha..the music was actually really good. The party was supposed to statart at 3pm and we thought we'd be fashionably late and arrive at 4plus..but little did we know that fashionably late means arriving at about 5:30pm. The party only really started around then..It was fun..altho at certain points I was feeling a little bit sea sick :p

And to top the weekend off...i bought new shoes!!! Twenty bucks!! Cheapcheap!!

2005-09-05T12:15:00.001+08:00

Bestest Friend and Baby pretending to be atas...

2005-09-05T12:15:00.000+08:00

Me and Bestest Friend on board the Harbour Queen..

Cough. Shiver. Drip drip..

2005-08-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

So i'm sick again..Spent the last 2 days in a complete woozy daze..barely able to stay awake.

It's a little frustrating coz there's work to be done and haven't been able to concentrate long enough to get any done at all.

PLC is turning out to be ALOT more work than I thought it would be. Most of the work is litigation stuff..and honestly..I'm feeling abit angsty about it. I mean..there are some people who KNOW they don't want to do liti. But they are forced to do ALL this work for skills they don't need. I just feel like..it gives this message that..if you're not a liti lawyer..you're not a real lawyer. And that really sucks man. Like I don't already have a complex. *growl*

Cough mixture kicking in...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

2005-08-03T17:24:00.000+08:00

Damn chio.....*drool*

2005-08-01T19:49:00.000+08:00

The view through the keyhole..

2005-08-01T19:48:00.000+08:00

At the Piazza Cavalieri di Malta. To look through the keyhole of this door..

When in Rome....eat alot of gelato and drink alot of coffee..

2005-08-01T19:01:00.000+08:00

So..Rome..

Had my first Amazing Race moment with me, Bestest Friend and XD running through the metro tunnels of Paris with our HUGE backpacks rushing to get to the bus which would bring us to the airport. But we made it JUUUUST on time...

My first day in Rome was with Bestest Friend and XD. We stayed at Hostel Del Artiste. I was given a bed in one of the four bed dorms coz I was only staying one night, and Bestest Friend and XD got a little storeroom that had been converted into a two bed dorm. The two sweet sweet boys offered to take my single bed for that night when they found out it was a co-ed room. We were really tired by the time we put our stuff in our rooms and freshened up a little.

I was DYING..that day was the start of my pain with my backpack. It was about 12kg I think when I first reached Rome and it was NOT funny carrying the backpack, running thru the tunnels of Paris and then walking up and down the streets of Rome trying to find our hostel. I was dreading the rest of my trip with the backpack that would only get heavier...

Anywayz..the 3 of us grabbed a map and decided to just start walking. Bestest friend had his Lonely Planet and we just walked. Went to Plaza de Republica, Basilica Santa Maria degli Angeli..had our first Italian gelato and found an Illy coffee shop!! Gelato and italian coffee..bliss. Then we went to Trevi Fountain, Pantheon and then Plaza Navona. We were sort of walking aimlessly, but we just followed the trial of all the main sights.

Ended the day perfectly sitting at the roof of our hostel, a bottle of wine, some cheese, some ham, some bread, grapes..great company, great food, even better conversation.

Day 2 in Rome, met up with the sensationalsix and we checked into our little apartment. The apartment was really nice..with a kitchen and all. And a shower that only allows 2 people to have hot showers and 2 people to have luke warm showers. The remaining two had to freeze.

Had a 3 hour walking tour of Ancient Rome that day. We went to the Rome Forum, saw the colosseum from the outside, went to see the "wedding cake" (as the Romans call it) a building built to commemorate the unification of Italy (i think), went back to see Trevi Fountain, Pantheon and ended the tour at Plaza Navona. Our guide was an archaeologist doing her masters so it was cool coz she really knew her shit. The tour was really good for all the info that the guide was telling us. It made it alot more interesting..if not..it would just be ruins ruins and more ruins.

Me, Bestest Friend and XD chilled out at Plaza Navona for 2 hours before heading off for dinner with J, S and JL. The chilling out was great..we were exhausted. But just sitting in a cafe, people watching and drinking in the place was exactly wat I wanted to do in Europe.

Had gelato and mucho coffee...SHIOK..I tell you..it's the italian men that make the coffee so good there lah. It must be their special italian touch..

Day 3, we went for a tour of the Vatican City. Walked through the Vatican Museum which was AMAZING. Firstly..it's HUGE ASS man. Secondly, it's got SO much history in it. The works of Michaelangelo and Raphael. They had this corridor where the ceilings and walls were painted but as you walk through it, it looks totally 3-D!! How friggin amazing is that??? The art work is jus cannot describe lah..you have to be there and see it for yourself and just be totally blown away and amazed. We went to the Sistine Chapel and THE church in the world St Peter's Basilica. We were in the square where thousands had gathered just months earlier when the previous Pope was still sicky.. I swear..you go to these places and you're just like..I cannot believe I am actually here. You also realise...actually the catholic church very rich ah??

Went to two famous gelato places. Gelateria Giolitti (good enough for the pope..good enough for me!!) and San Crispinos!! *drool*

Day 4 was Rome overkill. The run down-ness of the city and the dirt was starting to get to us all. Went inside the Colosseum on day 4, awesome..but was slightly disappointed. Kinda expected it to be bigger and grander..but I suppose after years and years of pilfering and neglect..that's jus how it is. But still awesome to be there...went to Palentino Hill. J then brought me,S and JL walking like..20 min..to find this keyhole that was somewhere in the Piazza Cavalieri di Malta. We were all the WTF when we finally found it..but ok lah..worth it lah. See pic below!

I then spent the next 4 hours on my own walking around Rome. It was cool though..really liberating..ended up at the Spanish steps!! There was SO much people it was ridiculous. Met up with Bestest Friend and XD there and XD bought a really nice Lacoste bag!! SIGH..i also waaaaan..Note to everyone..Furla is like half the price there. So if you ever go Rome..YOU MUST BUY!! Dun buy you come back and kick yourself only..like me..but bo pian..on budget.

We had a home cooked meal of instant noodles (brought all the way from Singapore) and pasta that night!And of course..cheap supermarket wine which is still better than some of the mid-ranged wines you buy here.

So..that was Rome..sort of. There's just so much more to say but..so much you just cannot describe. Kudos to you if you actually read through the entire post man...

2005-07-31T12:07:00.000+08:00

The spanish steps. Bestest friend kept saying how amazing it was that they managed to turn a flight of stairs into a tourist attraction. Ha..

Second leg of the race

2005-07-31T12:03:00.000+08:00

So..my Italy trip basically went like this.

4 days in Rome, 3 days in Florence and 1 day in Venice.

Here are some photos from Rome first..will do a proper post on my Rome trip later.

2005-07-31T03:44:00.000+08:00

A funny sign I saw while walking the streets of Rome. Kinda cracked me up..

2005-07-31T03:43:00.000+08:00

Roman Forum.

2005-07-31T03:42:00.000+08:00

Trevi Fountain. Throw one coin over your right shoulder, if it gets in, you will return to Rome. Throw a second coin, you will fall in love with a Roman. Throw a third coin, you will marry that person.

2005-07-31T03:40:00.000+08:00

Inside of the Colosseum.

2005-07-31T03:36:00.000+08:00

The outside of the Colosseum.

2005-07-31T03:33:00.000+08:00

Me and Bestest Friend outside the Pantheon.

Pathetic...

2005-07-22T14:49:00.000+08:00

I think I'm pathetic.

I just realised today why I like being busy so much. I realise a big part of it is to keep me busy and distracted enough so that I don't have to think about how much I actually hate my life and myself.

There are many times when I'd like to think that I've grown out of my self loathing..that I've found a way to fight it, accept it. And then reality hits..that I still find so much lacking in myself, in my life. I get dragged into this depressed pit..one that I don't know how to climb out of. I thought I could be stronger than that...now I know I'm not.

23 years and I still need to constantly do things, achieve things to prove to myself that I'm not useless, that I'm actually worth something. To keep myself occupied so that I don't feel like a total loser.

Pathetic..

Some people wonder how they will die one day..I have a feeling I know. I'll probably end up killing myself from depression.

Aaahh well...at least something to look forward to.

I'm a Centennial Graduate!!

2005-07-20T22:59:00.000+08:00

Here are some pictures from my graduation!!

It was an extremely boring and so-so ceremony..just a factory line of graduates wearing oversized robes going on stage to collect an empty scroll holder thingy from a dumpy looking old man that I suppose is supposed to be someone important.

But..I was still happy that day. Happy to see many familiar faces, happy to see everyone excited and running around, happy that I got to take photos with many people. Happy that my parents must have been happy. Happy that my eldest bro and my da sao came all the way down just to take photos with me. Happy that Baby was there and I got to share this experience with him.

Thank to all who have made my life in Law School interesting. I never was in school much..so I won't say I will miss the faculty, won't say I miss the activities etc. But I will miss Law Fac coz of you guys. I will miss the many hours spent in school together studying for the exams and the insanity that sets in after a while, the many tea breaks and talking cock sessions.

To Wisteria and Ulric, the two closest friends I had in law school, the two people who supplied me with enough information and notes about school so that I could actually graduate, fellow hoon kee mates..luv u guys.

2005-07-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

The 2 people that are the reasons why I will miss law school..

2005-07-20T22:55:00.001+08:00

Baby bought me a bouquet of teddy bears!!

2005-07-20T22:55:00.000+08:00

My loved ones that came to UCC to see me finally graduate.

First leg of my Europe Race: Paris

2005-07-14T14:26:00.000+08:00

I've been procrastinating with regards to posting photos and updating about my trip. So here are a few photos first!!

My first stop was Paris. I arrived in Paris early in the morning at 6:24 am. Bestest Friend came to pick me up and it was GREAT seeing him!! Was very very excited..and even more amused when Bestest Friend started speaking french to all the Parisians. But it was definitely most cool to have a friend who spoke french with me.

Bestest Friend has cheated me. Said it was DAMN warm..no need bring jacket. It was 11 degrees out. Fuck. All i had was my lousy Fox jacket which only looked good and did nothing else.

Took a train (which was VERY SMELLY) to Bestest Friend's hostel at Cite Universite. The university looked gorgeous..made me hate NUS even more. Put my stuff down and rested for a LITTLE while..then Bested Friend shoo-ed me out to go Epernay with 2 of his friends. Went o Moet & Chandon where they walked us through the process of champagne making..and most importantly..got to drink champagne. Wheee..then sat in a park and had a picnic. Total bliss man..THIS was totally what I wanted to do in Europe. Sit in parks..on their ants and bug free grass and just chill....

Let me just say at this point that I was basically freezing my ass off for a large part of my Europe trip due to my lack of warm clothing. Like..not kidding you freezing.

My second day in Paris was a Sunday and most places were not open. Went to Musee D'orsay but it closed early that day due to some procession that was going on outside it. Bestest Friend and I suspect it was some World War memorial day thing coz lots of old geezers in military hats carrying french flags. Spent the whole day just WALKING the streets of Paris. Walked for hours..jus enjoying the sights...stopping for coffee now and then. Catching up with my Bestest Friend whom I had not seen for so long and missed soooo much (and all the while sniggering at him speaking french..jus coz he was so CUTE over his whole french thing).

Walking trial for Day 2 was roughly like this : Invalides to Musee D'orsay to Louvre to Pyramides to Grand Boulevards to Poissoniere to Gard du Nord (following the Metro stops).

Gorgeous lah..no other word to describe Paris. Of all the European cities I went to in this trip..Paris was my favourite.

Next day..I was off to Rome.

2005-07-14T14:25:00.000+08:00

Walking the streets of Paris on a lazy Sunday with the Eiffel Tower in the background.

2005-07-14T14:24:00.000+08:00

Outside Musee D'orsay. Four statues representing the women of 4 continents. Asia, Africa, Europe and America (i think...). All except Europe were exposing their breasts for some reason.........

2005-07-14T14:19:00.000+08:00

At Moet & Chandon in Epernay. Champagne....goooooood..

I need to club.....

2005-07-02T19:46:00.000+08:00

i NEED to club. I have not properly clubbed since April.

I need to feel the beat in my ears, the tapping of my foot, the slight buzz from multiple lychee martinis and to dance the night away.

Can't wait for 8th of July when I stop work for PLC..when I will have 5 blissful studying months (which for me probably means skipping class and sleeping till 3pm). Can't wait for bestest friend to be back and we can mambomambomambo (as cheesy as mambo is..i still always have fun).

Come 8th of July..the blog updates will come..the europe photos will be uploaded..PrincessPink will be BACK.

For now.....the takeover code awaits....

Trying to find a little bit of rainbow

2005-06-26T22:36:00.000+08:00

Doesn't it suck when life sucks you into problems you don't want a part of?

Bad enough I've been sucked into an existence I never asked for and honestly do not want..now I have to deal with things I don't want to either?

Someone please tell me my life is going to be more than this. Please tell me that life itself is more than this. Better if someone can show me..prove it to me. Coz I am seriously failing to see the point of existence right now.

i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack..

2005-05-30T00:29:00.000+08:00

I am back.

Abit exhausted from the 3 weeks in Europe and from the number of stuff i think I need to settle before I start work to say much. There's also just..so so so much to tell of my trip.

So photos and stories will have to wait for abit.

I will jus say..I had a good time, I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to go, awed and belittled by the history and wonder of some of the geniuses of this world. But I am very very happy to be back, appreciate Singapore SOOO much more now, and there is jus no where like home...

2005-05-04T01:34:00.000+08:00

5th May - Final Paper

6th May - Leave Singapore for Paris

7th May - Arrive in Paris

29th May - Leave Paris for Singapore

30th May - Arrive in Singapore

I feel so lost..

2005-04-29T16:10:00.000+08:00

Asia's ( and more importantly to me Singapore's) theatre is going through a very bleak time..

We lost the father of local theatre Kuo Pao Kun in 2002 and next we lost an equally influential and well-loved figure Krishen Jit 28th April 2005. I have at least had the honour and opportunity to work with and friend Krishen but sad to say that many will now never get to experience his brilliance, his passion and his warmth.

I remember going for one of the shows that was put up in tribute to Kuo Pao Kun after he passed away. So many from all over Asia came together to honour him. One of the directors from Hong Kong had a message at the end of his piece in which he said he remembered standing by Kuo Pao Kun's bedside in the hospital and wondering if Hong Kong theatre would ever or even did their own Kuo Pao Kun. I personally had never met the man..but the reverence and awe and despair that was felt by so many theatre practitioners when he left us. It was enough to instill in me the same sense of respect.

When I met Krishen a couple of years back..I was told by a friend how great he was and how his presence here in Singapore would be a guiding force and light for our theatre scene. That we lost Kuo Pao Kun..but at least we still had Krishen.

I don't think people always understood (or loved) what Krishen did..but when you work with him..when you go through the process with him..you learn to believe in him..to trust his direction. I know I did..I didn't always understand what he was making me do..didn't always feel the most comfortable with it..but I learnt to trust him and to follow..and eventually..I understood.

He became more than a director to me..he became my friend. Our late night dinners and conversations..I never ever felt our age gap of almost 40 plus years..and maybe that's why him leaving is so hard for me now. That I cannot believe or accept that my friend is gone..

I hope that his art will live on..that his compassion and humility will pass on to those who remain in this scene..that his legacy will be able to continue to guide us in a time when we all seem so lost.

I'm trying..but failing miserably in letting you go..

Theatre has lost one of its legends today..

2005-04-29T01:08:00.000+08:00

I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you..and now I am trying to deal with the fact that you are gone. That I will never again have the chance to enjoy your many stories about your life, to wonder at your brilliance and to jus simply enjoy the pleasure of your company.

Thank you for enriching my life..for showing me wat it truly means to live your life..for showing me what passion for something really means. Thank you for your friendship.

I hope that you knew how much I treasured you and cared for you..how lucky i felt to have worked with you and been your friend. I hope someway somehow, you know how much my heart is breaking now that you're gone and how much I wished I had a chance to say goodbye.

Theatre has lost one of its legends today..and I've lost a dear dear friend.

2005-04-26T18:11:00.000+08:00

It's been a long crazy weekend..and a lousy first paper. So much has happened..so much to say..so much to show.

But all that has to wait..Insurance paper coming up..

But here's something I wanna dedicate to my big bro and the new Mrs Kwek!!

One look
One smile
One touch
One embrace
One kiss
One love
Two people
Two minds
Two souls
Two destinies
One road
One journey
One ending
Together.

- Melissa Higgins -

Lucky girls..

2005-04-23T02:11:00.000+08:00

Zippy just got her first birthday present today!!

She's got new eyes now..bright white eyes..I got to help put change them for her!!

Baby seemed so much more excited then me when he was getting Zippy's new eyes..

Me and zippy both very very lucky girls..*cloud nine*

The Smell of New Leather..

2005-04-22T12:18:00.000+08:00

I went to pick her up this morning..

She's here..and she's mine and she's gorgeous..

*cloud nine*

2005-04-18T00:15:00.000+08:00

Picture from Collegiate Dinner on Wed...Girls at Guild House!!

2005-04-18T00:14:00.000+08:00

Kena cheated...could barely taste ANYTHING..

My weekend..

2005-04-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

Gave myself a little treat and let myself go out to town on Satz after studying in the library and having a frustrating time coz at one point i accidentally closed my notes without saving! Two and a half hours worth or work GONE..

Baby brought me to Pregos coz (1) I've never been there before and he says it's goooood (2) think he wanted to give me a little treat coz it hasn't been the best week. He was right...food was good. Esp love the free bread they gave!! Comes nice and hot..baby ordered a calzone and I ordered a spinach ravioli. Calzone was goooood..spinach ravioli was CHEAT MONEY!! When it came..i swear me and baby were just stunned..we kinda just stared at the plate speechless for a while. It was like..6 pieces of wanton. Paper thin wanton...stuffed with SPINACH. Stuff is so the wrong word to use..coz the wantons certainly did not look "stuffed". Ok...LINED with spinach. WTF man!! For 22bucks??? Do they seriously expect people to get full on that?

Let me just say..I am usually quite a ham ji person when it comes to kao pei-ing about service and products. I usually feel super pai say..and I just think..never mind laaaaah. But this time I seriously want to COMPLAIN. It was just ridiculous that they were charging me 22bucks for THAT.

I get the whole gourmet food thing ok? Some places charge you exorbitant amounts for tiny tiny portions of very very exquisite and expensive ingredients. Those places..eating is an art. You sit there and you be all poseur and atahs..But here..where baby just got a big ass curry puff on his plate and the lady beside me had a good full plate of pasta..someone explain to me the paper thin wanton!!

We didn't complain in the end..my lack of balls won out..BUT we did ask for one more loaf of bread. *drool* Breeaaaaad..gooood...I actually pointed out to baby that between J and me..we probably could finish the bottle of vinegar and olive oil on the table.

Had meeting today regarding my bro's wedding next weekend....so exciting it's finally happening!! But looking at the amount of stuff there is to do..how early I have to wake up..I do not think I will be able to do ANY work that weekend. Which is NOT good at all coz my exams start just 2 days after the weekend.

I am seriously freaking out right now..

Happy Post.

2005-04-15T15:00:00.000+08:00

I'd like to post a happy entry..

but that will not be today...or for a while i expect..

Entering exam depression mode..where the stress gets to me both emotionally and physically. My gastric has started up real bad again..and it's jus frustrating and depressing coz now is so not the time.

I am so unhappy right now..

Falling apart..

2005-04-12T15:17:00.000+08:00

In the library studying right now...something I've been trying to do this past 2 weeks. I've been such a blur cock these couple of days and I feel like such a wreck. I feel so flustered..like I can barely keep myself together with all the things I need to do and think about (bro's wedding, moving my things in hall back, things to get ready for europe etc etc)

I can't do this. I can't multi task these things..I need to study for exams and study only. Half my energy is spent in trying to cover the work and the other half is spent trying to keep myself together and curb the urge to panic from the stress.

Having a headache right now..It's a kind of headache I recognise. It means a fever/flu is coming. I had it last weekend and I spent the weekend popping panadols and trying to sleep more. I've decided to make a list of the drugs that I hate depending on but which I need to take so often in my life and therefore I should learn to love them.

1) Paracetamol (to be more specific Panadol Extra)
2) Famotidine
3) Omneprazole

So far this is all i got..when I get my usual horrendous sore throat and I get the medication that I lurve from my doc I will add to this list.

Ooh ooh..jus remembered..

4) Strepsils Extra Strong ( each lozenge contains 2,4-Dichlorobenzyl Alcohol 1.2 mg Amylmetacresol 0.6mg)

Xian..i hate not being in the pink of health.. but i guess I should be thankful i dun have some major disability or disease..it could be worse..

2005-04-10T02:39:00.002+08:00

A breakdancer..he is not..

2005-04-10T02:39:00.001+08:00

TK's foot in his new shoe..sweeeeeet..

2005-04-10T02:39:00.000+08:00

Close up of new shoes..not a great photo..was using my phone camera..

2005-04-10T02:38:00.000+08:00

New shoes!!

Sweeeeeeeeeeeet shoes..

2005-04-10T02:25:00.000+08:00

I bought baby sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet sneakers today!

We first saw them at CK Tangs. Nike, beige (jus the way he likes it), waaaay cool. I wanted to buy it for him there and then but NO MONEY. So I wait. Wait till this month get allowance. Plus I got CK Tangs voucher so I figured got abit of subsidy so not so painful. But when I went to CK Tangs today they were GONE!! *sob*

I remembered seeing them at 77th Street and they had a label on them which said "Limited Edition".So if I wanted to get them for him..it was now or never! So i walked my ass over to Far East and went to one of those funky sneaker shops where I first saw my Adidas Okapis. Went in..looked around..dun have. Panic. Nice guy there asked me what I was looking for..and all I could tell him was "Nike. Sneakers. Light brown. Got a "air" word on it. Kinda shaped like this one" (Lamely pointed to one pair of nike sneakers..when actually quite alot of them looked similarly shaped to me)

At this point..feeling waaay uncool. Would have been much cooler to have been able to walk in..blurt out the model, know the difference in cutting blah blah blah..like I am some avid sneaker collecter. But alas..i am a dork.

But nice guy said he thinks he knows what I am talking about and told me to go to this other funky sneaker shop called LeftFoot on the same level. Went over..found the shoes..but got majorly distracted by the many many other very nice shoes there. Started wondering if I should get him another pair....FOCUS!! Asked guy there how much they were...*ouch*..they were more ex than I remembered them to be. Plus now no voucher subsidy...*sob*

But I've been eyeing them for so long..and I been looking for sneakers for him for so long..sigh..nmind..rest of the month eat bread..go europe jus eat bread. BUY.

Gave them to baby just now and they look goooooooooooooooooooood. Very very gooooooooood. Suits him..suits his clothes..he likes them. I am happy!! *beaming*

Still thinking about the other very nice cool sneakers in LeftFoot. Starting to consider collecting sneakers next time. I like..i sooooo like...

Bad girl..

2005-04-08T02:43:00.000+08:00

I am a bad girl.

I didn't do any work today..

I went out, slept and played game.

Baaaaad....

Sad..

2005-04-07T02:13:00.000+08:00

I feel abit sad today..

Hopeless...

2005-04-05T21:30:00.000+08:00

There's a feeling of hopelessness that overwhelms you when you realise that something is completely beyond your control and understanding. That no matter how hard you work, it may be for naught.

What do you do at a time like this?

You feel like throwing in the towel, because it is just so hard. The feeling that you're working but unsure if you're making any progress and hence you feel like you have accomplished nothing. You try to push on because you know that if you don't, you die.

But a little voice tells you at the back of your head that you are dead anyway.

Why does the pursuit of knowledge end up being more about a test of your determination to keep going through the blur, hoping that you'll luck out, praying that you'll scrape through, counting on the regurgitation making sense to someone even though you know that you don't really get it yourself.

That you're skimming the surface, that you want to go deeper, need to go deeper because jus barely knowing is not good enough. But there isn't time, there isn't enough guidance...

and you realise maybe...there isn't enough brilliance in you either.

2005-04-04T10:28:00.001+08:00

Ang Pow Box 2...

2005-04-04T10:28:00.000+08:00

Ang Pow Box 1...

2005-04-04T10:27:00.000+08:00

Proud of ourselves....

Didn't do shitz this weekend...

2005-04-04T10:21:00.000+08:00

Sigh..it's monday again. I didn't do any work over the weekend.

Woke up late on Sat, then went for a wedding with TK in the afternoon, then went home to sleeeep, then went for J's birthday parteee...

Woke up late on Sun, had a headache, realised i was falling sick and popped panadols. Spent the next 2-3 hours working on my bro's wedding ang pow box with TK. Quite proud of the boxes I must say. Looks like crap on the inside..but who cares..no one will see it anyway. Had dinner, bought my tix from Paris to Rome, headache came back. Panadols again..decided to sleep early coz I didn't wanna fall sick.

Quite a full weekend..but i didn't do ANY work!!

Must jia you today......food tasting for bro's wedding at four seasons later.

2005-04-03T22:09:00.000+08:00

baby's impersonation of Macho Man Raaaaaaaaaaandy Savage!! Oh yeeeeaaaahhh....

2005-04-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

Me and jo!! Here's me all high and red after losing several times at five-ten to baby and dai di to Jo and baby...

2005-04-03T22:06:00.001+08:00

Jo and the boooooooys...

2005-04-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

All the babes at Jo's birthday!

2005-04-03T22:05:00.000+08:00

Shue's dream guy..

A good friday...miss doing this.

2005-04-02T03:34:00.000+08:00

Handed up my final assignment for this semester. My last assignment. Spent the day trying to get into the study for exam mode. It takes me a while to kick start into exam gear. It was pretty frustrating trying to make sense of lousy and structureless slides from the lecturers.

Went for drinks at Wine Network at Dempsey Road with some people I dearly miss hanging out with. Jus missing J and my bestest friend..sigh. Wine was nice..I'm not really a red wine person so nothing to say. But the white was pretty good. Cheese platter was yuuuummeee..watched G wolf down an amazing amount of meat for someone so little and so thin. Dammit I am jealous..

But I wish we were back in the old clubbing/drinking days. It's so different now. I remember being at members..tons of drinks. WM, M, bestest friend..smoking cigars..drinking ridiculous amounts. Mambo..M, WM and bestest friend being ah bengs and showing off their mambo moves. Now everyone just seems older and tired from work...and very soon I will be joining them.

Went to winebar after that to join "the guys" (that's how baby refers to them). It was fun..watching them play games to finish the MANY MANY jugs..flashbacked to the days when I used to go say hi to Jas when they were in zouk in the corner next to the baggage counter. I remember all of them drunkity drunk drunk. Hee..here's one thing that hasn't changed i guess!!

Baby got drunk drunk drunk!! I had to drive us back..his car can go faaaaaaaaaaast man...FUN!! If he wasn't feeling kinda sicky from the alcohol I would have sped all the way back man!! Damn..got to ask him to let me drive on the ECP with his car one quiet night. I hope zippy can go as fast... Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee....vroom vrrooooooom!!

Memories..

2005-04-01T16:56:00.000+08:00

(taken from somewhere else)

If you read this, you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want,
Good or bad- just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal (if you want).
See what people remember about you...

Feeling low..

2005-03-29T18:57:00.000+08:00

Finally finished my last assignment that's been frustrating me the past week. Don't think it's very well done..but I've done what my little brain could. I jus need to find a way to cut 200 more words off it now..

Feeling like after so many years I still don't really fit in anywhere, don't really feel a part of anything. Why do I always have this feeling like I am outside looking in at things..you would think that people would get used to the feeling of loneliness..

Gastric is starting again..you would also think that I'd get used to the sharp pains in my abdomen and the nausea..

2005-03-28T00:35:00.000+08:00

Baby's big tamade ulcer!!

Frustrated!!

2005-03-27T03:22:00.000+08:00

I wan to bloody tear my hair out. I have been researching for my damn banking assignment for a week now. Been trying to come up with an outline and get my fingers typing for a whole week. But up till now..I've got zilch.

I keep feeling like I am bordering on an epiphany..like..i THINK i know what my arguement should be. That the outline is jus in sight. But for some reason..I can't get there. I just tried starting on the essay and I realised I am so far away from getting it.

It's back to the library tmw on a Sunday..back to research again. I'm feeling a little hopeless coz I have been in the library, on Lexis and Westlaw searching n searching for material. I kinda thought that I've found enough to get my essay started and that I've exhausted my options. I don't even know how or where else to start searching from now.

Sigh..i picked a really baaaaad topic to write on.

2005-03-25T23:52:00.000+08:00

Me and TK in the backseat of the Suzuki Swift my mummy was test driving..

2005-03-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

Remember I mentioned the welts you get from paintball?? Check it!! TK got these ALL over him man..

Vege dilemma..

2005-03-25T23:27:00.000+08:00

I ate meat today..and it did NOT feel good..

First let me explain why I ate let myself eat meat..So I'm going to Europe in May right..And I figured I'm probably gonna have to eat meat when I'm there. I mean..coz no one else in the group going is vegetarian and I don't wanna end up being a bother. When we got to pick a place to eat or share food to save money..I don't want them to have to have to try to accomodate my diet. And having read some guide books and come to the conclusion that europeans are a relatively carnivorous race, I realised that being vege on my trip is probably going to be difficult. So I said..ok ..when I am there..I will eat meat (if I have to)..but I when I come back to Singapore I am gonna go back to not eating meat.

Problem with this decision is that having been sort of vegetarian for more than half a year..when I eat meat now..I feel like CRAP. And most of the time, I end up really really drowsy and light headed. So J said I got to start conditioning myself again..so that when I get there and I start eating meat I won't end up needing the others to carry me thru the streets of Rome. She also pointed out that I probably need to start eating abit of meat now since I dun wanna be falling asleep all the time during the exams. Sigh..

Hence..the start of..getting my body ready for Europe.

Today, went to this place along East Coast Road AL Forno that I.S recommended for pizza. The pizza was really quite good although it was kinda pricey. Ordered this pizza that had ham, mushrooms and I cannot remember what else. It was yummy..the crust was the nice thin kind, the mushrooms gooood, the ham gooood. But as good as I will admit the ham was, while eating it, I didn't have a kind of "oh my god I miss meat so much!!" kinda feeling. I could live without it man..

And of course after the meal..I felt bleeeaaah. My heart was like beating faster, working overtime to try n break down this alien object in my body, I started breaking out in cold sweat, I was feeling nauseous..and of course..starting to get reaaallly reaaally sleepy. I felt like dying..

Sigh..i really wish I didn't have to do this. I don't want to..not just coz of how I feel after eating meat but also becoz I just don't wanna. I'm happy the way things are now..

I think as much as possible when I am there I will try to stick to veges and seafood..but only to a point when I am not a bother to everyone else.

I will so need to detox when I get back...

2005-03-18T02:20:00.000+08:00

me playing paintball *piangpiang*

Why do we bother to prepare for class??

2005-03-18T01:49:00.000+08:00

We had a totally and utterly pointless exercise in class today. But as pointless as I felt that it was..I would still say that there things that we could have discussed. I hate these dip sing and master students who come to class and are so obviously unprepared and cannot be bothered. If u didn't prepare and don't really have anything intelligent to say..then jus shut the fuck up..don't sit there and in ur funny accent but ur very ugly haircut, glasses and shirt and make these loudmouth, irritating, completely unconstructive comments!!! And the number of times he said "this exercise is meaningless"...MY GOD...if u find it so meangingless, pack ur damn bag and just GET OUT.

Our group (who actually DID prepare for the exercise), were in complete shock. When they first sat down, they didn't even seem to know WHAT we were supposed to be discussing about, WHO they were supposed to be convincing to do WHAT. Sleazy oily dude said " I'm sorry if this is a totally idiotic question..but..I'm confused. What are we supposed to do?"

WTF???

So what we prepared didn't really help in the end becoz those buggers weren't even raising any proper points for us to rebutt. So they sat there talking talking talking like they knew shit, while we TRIED to understand what they were talking about and trying to apply what we had read to the "discussion".

He had better not be going to my firm..I cannot guarantee I won't throw him off the 17th floor.

ANDY DAY!!

2005-03-15T18:55:00.000+08:00

My bestest friend in the whole world's birthday has just passed. I declared it ANDY DAY. A day where everyone has to sing mambo songs and go "wazzup my nee-ger?" in the most ah beng way they know how.

He's 24 now..wow..he and I have known each other for 8 years. Been best friend for 6 years.

I first met him at Dramaplus Arts in 1998, we were both part of the pioneering youth theatre group there. He was in VJC then..I was still in St Nicks. I thought he was this slightly annoying, waaaaaay too hyper and know it guy. And he thought I was a super dao bitch. We did NOT exactly get along. Although..my best memory of him then was watching him CARTWHEEL and FLIP across the room during one of our rehearsals (he used to be a gymnast).

Seeing as to how we didn't exactly get along, we lost touch after Still Growing Up Somemore, our youth theatre production and one of the most embarrassing shows I've ever been in..and bumped into each other again late 1999. He was doing some PAP show for J and I was doing On the Verge with J. We kinda started talking again then and then did Rosencratnz and Guildenstern are Dead early 2000.

He was Hamlet and I was Ophelia. We haven't looked back since.

He is one of the warmest, driven, capable, intelligent and optimistic guys I know. He will make it so big people. Have no doubt about that. I can see him jet setting across the world next time, rubbing shoulders with all the high society power people...wait..he WILL be one of those high society power people!!

I love this guy soooo much. He has been there for me through so much these 6 years. Stuck by me, taken care of me. He doesn't judge, and doesn't force you to follow his advice. He will be there for you no matter what. He has been one of my pillars of strength throughout everything..and I know that no matter what happens I will have him supporting me and believing in me. It's so hard to explain how important and major this guy has been in my life..

I swear I will kick anyone's ass who does wrong to this guy..

He deserves the most wonderful and special kinda girl. Don't know what is wrong with all the females out there..they have NO idea what they are missing. But I think his "ickle" is somewhere out there..giving him this time for him to enjoy his life now, build his career.

Thank you A for being my best friend..Luv ya and Miss ya LOTS!!! Happy 24th!!!

3,2,1...CHAAAARGE!!!!

2005-03-14T02:04:00.000+08:00

Played paintball today. FUN. Baby got wacked all over..welts all over his back, on his arm and a big bump on his head.

Went to order the car today..I have decided to call her Zippy!! Very excited..but also feeling kinda XIAN that even before I start work I've already got a chunk of my pay committed to something..I didn't really ask for. My mum kinda made the "decision" for me..by informing me that she had a plan..that we would get one more car before my bro gets married n moves out n takes the car with him..and that I could pay for it when I start work!

O...k....sure..I mean..I still have a huge ass school loan to pay for when I start work..but sure..fine. Sigh...main reason why I agreed and pushed for it to happen this fast is mainly for her lah. So that she doesn't have to keep depending on my dad's "charity" for a vehicle to use.

So..ok..it's cool. I'm jus gonna go with the ride and enjoy the fact that we're getting Zippy!! I got to have a say in what car to get and thank goodness we managed to find a car I really do quite like kinda within our price range (Zippy's a little more ex than we planned for) !!

She's gonna be dark grey..and I am going to find lots of pink fluffy things to put inside her!!

Me and WM are Swift buddies!! Altho..i am pretty sure he's slightly embarrassed by that fact..hee..

We've already started thinking of what to do to Zippy!! Before we went to look at Swifts I asked baby a few times.."What do you think of Suzukis?" His answer..and I quote.."Very zeng-able." Hahaha..

To eat or not to eat..

2005-03-11T02:13:00.000+08:00

Here I am after spending about 10 min trying to figure out whether or not to eat supper. Stomach kinda growling, have a craving for Fong Seng's big otah and rice. But it's past 2am in the morning! Baaaad to eat so late..esp since I am kinda hoping to sleep by 3am.

2 sweeties (bless their souls) told me to jus do it!! J reminded me that Glamour magazine said it's not what time you eat but how much you eat. So..i started listing out what I ate today to see if I could still afford to eat somemore (ok..i think I am starting to obsess a little). And then one dear friend ( i suppose bless his honesty) said DON'T do it!! Said it was so late already and then he said I was getting fat....the latter comment..I'm not so sure I dig so much. And it's starting to make me wonder if I am really getting fat.Well..maybe not fat..just putting on weight. And the thing is..once u start putting on weight..u're gonna slowly be on ur way to fat right?

I remember being tubby and depressed over my weight. Not sure I wanna go there again. I was Sec 1, feeling most insecure, unpopular, uncool and unattractive. I was skipping breakfast, skipping lunch..bringing vege sandwiches with a LITTLE bit of low fat mayo to school on certain days, otherwise it was cucumber and carrot sticks. This routine was pretty much on and off throughout my secondary life.

Yes. Definitely obsessing...have...to...stop...

On a slightly different note..I am so excited about the Europe trip. Information has started flowing in from the Sensational Six!!Accomodation and transport in Europe scares me..I did a little calculation just now and after deducting airfare and accomodation, I have about 1000 Euros left for EVERYTHING else. Transport, food, sightseeing costs..I am honestly not sure I have enough money. I cannot get over how expensive it all is..

Bad judge of character..

2005-03-07T05:13:00.000+08:00

I realised today that I made one of the worst decisions in my life this academic year. Totally miscalculated this one. I supported and pushed a a junior of mine J to be dance head for this year. I thought that he had the enthusiasm and that he would be able to run the committee well. But he turned out to be the most incompetent, irresponsible, egotistical and deluded guys I have EVER worked with. With a complete lack of any sense of urgency and foresight.

I'm amazed at how powerful ego and delusion are...it can keep you from feeling any sense of shame and prevent you from learning anything at all, even when you have people telling you IN YOUR FACE how badly you've screwed up and listing to you all the things that you have failed to do. Somehow, it all just bounces off you and in the midst of everything..you latch on to reasons to blame anyone or anything else but you.

I don't think I've ever judged a character this wrongly before (except maybe in ex-bfs)..

Hai..I used to be close to this guy man..good friends in hall. But work in hall has pretty much torn us apart..I wonder if it's possible to dislike a person this much in work but still be able to remain good friends..

I'm really starting to fear what things will be like when I go out to work..

Cranky Cranky Cranky....

2005-03-05T01:07:00.000+08:00

I am cranky today.

This and the two LARGE pimples that have popped out on my face is a sign that you-know-what is coming..so people..beware.

I HATE feeling this way..it's like..u're stoned and irritable and you don't even really understand WHY. And the only thing you can do is blame it on you-know-what. And you wanna scream coz u know the irritation is irrational but you can't help it anyway. And then you feel irritated that you are irritated.

This is a vicious cycle...

Add this to my gastric, the non-stop bloatedness and nausea I feel throughout the day and I am one miserable cranky chick.

I swear I almost punched people at Plaza Sing just now..it was SO blardy crowded and people were just getting in the way..once or twice I felt my right hand start curling up into a fist unconsciously!!

I need to find a way to calm self....

Europe..here I come?

2005-03-04T02:33:00.000+08:00

I finally called Chan Brothers and reserved my air ticket to Paris today..I've kinda been putting it off coz buying the ticket this early just makes me feel kinda insecure. I mean..anything could happen between now and then..what if someone in the family dies (and I am hoping it is the evil son-of-a-bitch) and I can't go..then that's 800bucks down the drain coz it's a non refundable non transferable ticket...

But the MAS offer is really sooo cheap..and if I wait any longer I won't be able to enjoy the offer anymore. So i went ahead and reserved it..I just need to go and pay for it tmw..*ouch*..it kinda hurts forking out that kinda money that I know I can't afford. And now I just feel kinda uncertain and scared..

I'm really looking forward to this trip..but part of me feels kinda reluctant coz of the cost factor. I don't have the money for it..I'm borrowing from my parents..but I kinda know that asking them to lend me 4000 bucks at one shot is pretty xiong on them too. I'm not really doing any part time work this semester so I have zero income..there is no money to save. SIGH..I cannot and will not shop when I am there..I probably won't be able to buy pressies back for everyone either...I just hope that I have enough money to enjoy myself and that I won't let the lack of cash drag me down. I always feel stressed and frustrated when I am running low on cash..and then I will just not wanna do anything coz I know I shouldn't be spending when I have not much left and I just cannot NOT be concerned..

And I'm gonna miss him alot..3 weeks..(note to people I am travelling with : there is a high chance that I will be crying abit during the first few days..)

We kinda had a little bump in the whole scheduling for the trip thing today..but I'm still pretty cool about it..Think we just have to be very open minded and chin chai and not feel like others are out to offend. I'm really relatively chin chai and I totally get that compromises will have to be made when you're in a group. I just want to spend enough time in Paris with my best friend..coz the toot is not coming back this summer. That's one of the main reasons why I am going to Europe..

I need to try not to think of the negative...

Rainy day...Sleepy day..

2005-03-03T00:19:00.000+08:00

I am still pretty clueless about the stuff I can do on Blogger and how to do it..I see the stuff that other people have on their blogs and it's so cool!! Now if only I have the time to go fiddle n learn man..

Went to sleep at 5am in the morning and as I was going to bed..it was starting to rain. The rain wasn't heavy..but the thunder and lightning was slightly scary..there were moments when the entire sky would light up. And there was this ONE particular lighting streak that seemed really close to my window that kept ummm..streaking?

And then I woke up to a lovely day of rain...which as nice as that was...was NOT a good thing for me becoz I stayed in my room and basically did NO work and just SLEPT the entire day..

TK came and we went to play squash!! Fun fun fun..even tho I was still kinda half asleep and couldn't bring myself to run after the ball and my strokes were pretty off. I realise he's either a very competitive or a just a very enthusiastic person..becoz he would seriously RUN after the ball and like run into the wall kinda thing..It's so cute..like a little boy.

We went for dinner after and then just came back to my room and just watched TV. It's really these simply moments that I love I think...

I got to get my act together and seriously start doing work!!! I have an assignment due on the 11th and I have barely done anything for it!! Mainly coz I spent quite abit of time reading the WRONG stuff for my assignment....hai..

I have switched.

2005-03-02T04:33:00.000+08:00

I spent the whole morning trying to find a skin for livejournal and trying to figure out how to change the template..and I failed miserably. I have to admit I don't know basic html at all and maybe tt's the problem...

oh well..

so I have decided to try switching to blogger and use the account that I have had for a long time but never utilised. I always thought blogger was kinda hard to use tt's why I've always stuck to livejournal. LJ's pretty idiot proof...

Hope this works...